I am feeling a tad on the sighing repeatedly side of affairs today. Sitting uncomfortably on this new island of life, feeling the waves drag me further and further from the things that I know and am comfortable with.
Let us undress this strange and odd feeling. It is as though I am losing hold of the things that I always somehow took for granted. It is somehow as though a barrier has sprung up where there was once none. I cannot seem to speak in the same manner that I once did. The words have stopped flowing flawlessly from my mouth. I have ceased to conjure wit whenever it took my fancy. I am, in short, a bore.
I just don’t know what’s happening. Everything is happening at once, I think, and I feel as though everything is hurtling forwards and I am jogging along behind everything, but I am getting increasingly short of breath, and am finding it harder and harder to catch up, and all the while they are all getting further and further ahead of me.
I suppose it is strange and different when all of a sudden one has acquired a whole new family. Just last week I was driven to hospital and when asked who accompanied me there I said, gesturing awkwardly towards the young lady beside me, “erm, Uhm, her. My, erm, sister in law”
And she isn’t the only one! I now have three sisters in law and two brothers in law, in addition to my one sister and three brothers. I don’t know what to do with all the new love and concern. I mean I love these people. I have known them my whole life and suddenly they are my actual family and I just do not know how this makes me feel.
It should be making me feel secure but all I am feeling is tremendously lonely.
Then I think, lawd, do I even have friends?
And I know I do because I am always busy seeing people and having people over and calling people and skyping people but then why do I feel so alone in this vast circle of socialism?
So to undress this further I am taking a deeper look into the matter and coming to the tired conclusion that all this change is draining me. I am striving so hard to be things and avoid being things, and holding onto my pasts and my presents, that I am just losing sync with the world.