As the seasons change, my life grunts a little and turns over, her eyelids fluttering. She senses a force awakening, and it is stopping her from carrying on in the same old position. Soon she will have to shift to accommodate new matters.
Today I walked into the chemist and bought something that I have never bought before. I wasn’t anxious about buying said thing, but my heart was palpitating at the thought of the nuances behind such an object.
The lady wrapped it in a paper bag and then put the paper bag into a plastic one.
“Oh, there’s no need, really,” I began, reaching for the bag, but she patted my hand and smiled at me.
“It’s absolutely no problem, darlin’. Give you more privacy that way.”
I was retching when I was in the bathroom. Not because it smelled bad or anything, but because I was frightened. I was terrified. I was completely out of my wits.
I was too scared to look.
My life, as I know it, is over. No more travelling, no more being chill, no more going wherever the whim takes us.
I’m scared because I think I am not ready yet. I think that there is loads more that I need to do. But sometimes in life, no matter how pre-cautious you are, the thing that you planned becomes unplanned.
I picked up the cheap plastic stick.
Two pale pink lines.
*deep, shaky, teary breath*