Can I tell you something?
It’s a little secret. Mostly it is a plaguing nightmare.
Are you listening?
Do you care? If not, it’s okay. I am going to say it anyway.
I have no friends.
Yes, you heard right.
It doesn’t make me a sad human. It just makes me feel sad sometimes.
I don’t know how this happened. Once upon a time I was surrounded by friends. We had some great larks. Then physical distance came between us as we all spread over the globe to pursue our own lives and careers.
Acquaintances came and went in my new life.
I’ve been here six years.
Six years and all I made were mistakes and regrets.
So now I am twenty one and a small voice inside my head says,
“But Lenora, you have no friends.”
I do have ‘friends’, if you can call people who you hang out with from time to time that. But I can’t trust these people. I can’t tell them that my heart is ailing and that I fear sometimes for my marriage. I can’t tell them that I feel like I am a failure at 21 because I haven’t achieved the goals I set out to achieve by now. I can be there for them emotionally and listen to them and cheer them up but I can’t cry to them and have their comforting friendly arms and laughs to bring me up again.
I go to their dorms, we have pizza and watch movies, we go shopping together; but I don’t feel like I can fully open to them. Not like before. I can’t have meaningful conversations with them about things that matter because they don’t seem to understand those things. Maybe adult friendships are different? Psssh. No. I know they’re not. A true friend is a true friend, no matter your age.
That’s my secret.
That’s probably an unsocial thought, and one which I am loathe to let go of. But there we go.
What are your thoughts on friendship? Do you think friendships change as you enter adulthood?