What’s the best thing about being married?
The license to have sex. No I am joking, also these days nobody needs a license, that was scrapped some sixty to seventy years ago.
So being married isn’t as great as everybody makes out. Some people say the first year is always the hardest, but oddly I don’t agree. My first year of marriage was pretty happy go lucky. Yeah I used to get irritated because my husband would never tell me anything and discuss all his matters with his mother instead of me which would frustrate me to no end, but we worked on that and it all seems okay now. We didn’t have huge spats, he washed dishes and cleaned the house and I cooked meals, he went to work and I worked from home. We moved house twice. We did a bit of travelling and had one pregnancy scare.
I didn’t have any of those agonising worries that lots of other people say they had. We didn’t argue all the time because we were ‘getting used’ to each other. We just… lived. In fact we lived in close proximity to each other for a very long time, when we spent a little more than a year living in an attic bedroom with one tiny kitchen that wasn’t big enough for both of us, we were literally in each other’s pockets and that didn’t bother either of us one bit.
In fact when the agent came to show somebody around, the person seeing the place said, “Gosh you live here with your husband!? That’s a test to a relationship if anything is. I’d go mental if I had to live in this tiny place with anybody, least of all my SO.”
I was shocked to hear that, really. When my husband wants some peace and quiet he plugs his earphones in or goes to the gym and when I want some, I go and cook or read or paint or walk or cycle. It also helps that he is at work most days and I am busy with my online business and online university course. Also I guess we are both amicable (mostly) and have learned how to live around each other.
My husband is also very logical and doesn’t let his emotions factor into arguments, which is why I am a blubbering mess and he is a frowning robot when we argue. I think that dynamic works because I am the sort of person who has to let off steam in an angry and upset way, while he needs to retreat into himself and frown at the computer screen for a few hours. Sometimes it’s frustrating but mostly it works and then we eat dinner and watch a movie and it’s all fine.
My husband doesn’t want any kids. He thinks they are messy and loud and blubbery and that they would hinder his freedom. Which is entirely true. That is why I think he wasn’t too happy when I got pregnant, although he was heavily concerned and worried when I miscarried. I also think he was slightly relieved. Who am I kidding. I was slightly relieved. I don’t think either of us are ready to have kids. We both want to do so much more and be so much more before we are limited by having to take care of another vulnerable human being. Also he is worried he will make an awful dad and I know I will be a mean mum.
I love my husband very much and think that I need to step up my game as his wife. For example I have a good body but I don’t make the most of it like I used to before I got married. I guess I figure that I am secure now and don’t always need to make an effort because I know he loves me. However this sort of thinking is wrong and I know that I should make the most of my body while I am young, both for my own sanity and also because I think D would like it very much indeed.
Another example is my hot temper which I tend to unleash on his poor unsuspecting self. He is very good to me and always tries to make me happy and buy me unexpected gifts and push me to be better at everything I do. He is ambitious and hard working and aspirational. So he doesn’t deserve my wrath. Except when he does deserve it, but not that bad, maybe a little toned down.