Under My Skin

I’m not busy, I swear. Not anymore, at any rate. Not since the 14th of June. Most days I spend doing nothing. So why is it that I can’t call my friends or reply to anybody’s messages?

It’s not that I don’t want to. I really do. Throughout my day I harbour things I want to tell them, storing them away in the drawer of my mind specially reserved for little funny tidbits and anecdotes.

I pick up my phone to call them, but then I get distracted by something outside the window, or by dinner that needs to be cooked, or by somebody wanting something, or just by my own idle thoughts.

Bit by bit my communication with the world grows weaker.

When the EU referendum happened I wanted to call somebody and have a moan about it, but I couldn’t because firstly, I’m not even in the country so charges will apply, and secondly because I just. couldn’t. do. it.

At first my excuse was ‘I’ve too much work.’ And I honestly did. I was snowed under. Now I am not snowed under and I still can’t muster up the motivation and will to rekindle friendships. I am so sorry. What is wrong with me.

Daily life in Morocco is monotonous. Especially for the poor. It involves drudgery and cooking and cleaning and minding children. At least, that is what I have seen. I have yet to see other things, but it has opened my eyes.

Some days I am bored out of my skull. But I know it can’t all be jolly and sight-see-y and fun. It’s two weeks. It’s not exactly a holiday. I was never meant to be. I am happy, just a little itchy to get home now.

And this lack of motivation to be social. I can chatter away to any Moroccan as long as it doesn’t get personal and doesn’t form a friendship. With my friends I am struggling so hard. Like swimming through treacle. It never used to be like this. I am so tired.

Does anybody else ever feel that way?

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9 thoughts on “Under My Skin

  1. Do you have a hobby, something you like that can help fill part of the day. Listening to music is soothing and takes your mind off missing your friends. You do blog, so maybe you can expand it to cover other areas.
    I started cooking and blogging to give me something to do and now I find if very fulfilling. It keeps me very busy. I have also acquired many internet friends though this hobby and I feel as if I know them, even though we have never met in person. If you can make the effort to write to your friends, the time will pass and before you know it you will be home. Just one way of looking at life from my perspective.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I read! I have been reading lots this holiday, and it has been great and relaxing. It’s more trying to find my place, now that all the chaos is over. Thank you so much for your kind advice and comment, Jovina.

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  2. I do hobbies, Lenora, when I’m not writing…reading, photos, crafts – solitary stuff without time pressure or needing to please anyone. It sounds like you are, in a way, spent and need to rejuvenate. I agree with Curtis, you might need some “me” time.

    Liked by 1 person

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