Things I wish I could have told you

(You know who you are)

(But I hope you don’t read this)

(In fact, I hope you are dead by now.)

(Please. Never contact me again. Ever. Please.)

1. I hate you. You debilitated me. To this day, three years on, whenever I think of you I palpitate and sweat in fear. Right now, just reminding myself of it, my hands are shaking and my heart is in my mouth.
2. Clearly, I am scared of you.
3. Why am I torturing myself by thinking about this.

 

Okay, okay.

THINGS I WISH I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU:

1. Don’t touch me, I don’t like it.
2. You are disgusting, and your voice is disgusting when you swear at me and insult my parents.
3. I never loved you.
4. I pretended every single time, so you would leave me alone and let me go home.
5. I was terrified to leave you, because I was terrified you would hurt me if I tried.
6. When I finally did get the courage to, it was not for all the reasons you thought it was. It was because I hated your slimy being, your manipulative ways, and your revolting habits.
7. You stink.
8. Your teeth disgust me.
9. Your feet are long and horrible and you are a lying cheating scumbag.
10. I really, truly wish you were dead. But I know you aren’t.
11. I don’t wish you well at all. You treated me despicably, then had the audacity to send me on a guilt trip, making me feel bad when it was YOU who hurt me and used me and lied to me and made me your back up plan.
12. You blamed me for the bad things you did, as though you weren’t a human who could make choices.
13. You destroyed my happiness.
14. No really, you destroyed it. I live in constant fear of you, and I don’t even know why anymore. I am anxious all the time now, and I find it so hard to laugh and be free, like I used to.
15. You say I ruined your life. That makes me so angry because all I ever did was be loyal and kind to you. You treated me so badly that when I did leave you, you dared to tell me I ruined your life and make me feel bad about it? I hate that so much. I feel like punching your face, YOU ruined MY life.
16. You cannot go through life thinking that people owe you things. Nobody owes you anything, ESPECIALLY when you stomp all over them and make them feel insignificant and use them – they CERTAINLY don’t owe you anything then.
17. I wish I could tell you to STOP CONTACTING ME.
18. STOP. CONTACTING. ME. I don’t CARE ABOUT YOU. I am NOT INTERESTED IN HEARING FROM YOU.
19. Leave me alone.
20. Seriously. I do not care. At all. Ever. I want to erase you from my memory. I want us to have never happened. I regret everything. I regret hearing your filthy scumbag voice. I hate you. I hate you. I won’t tell you any of that myself because you will see it as encouragement and then the contact will never stop ever. You treated me like absolute crap. You dirty, filthy animal. Go and die somewhere. You classless ignorant being who never wants to make any good out of his life and who moans through life blaming others for his misfortune. You brought it on yourself, lazy asshole.