And how are you?

I have been off work for a month on Saturday, a MONTH, and yet I still cannot help getting onto my work emails to see what is going on in my absence.

I can see that my colleagues are snowed under, and to be honest I would love to lend them a hand. Is that weird? I don’t feel bored at home. I am very busy, I have a lot of things to organise.

But I am also very huge, and my pelvis is slowly being pulled out of place by my increased weight, and also the weight of the huge bump that is growing daily in my front. It is something called pelvic girdle pain, and I have a severe version of it. It has been hell, to be honest. I have cried at nights from the pain. A physiotherapist told me that it should go after birth but honestly I just feel disabled at this point.

I am walking like a .. a huge person that has to drag one leg behind them, and I have to keep taking breaks, and not twist a certain way else I will fall and that is dangerous, and I crawl up the stairs, and cannot get out of bed.

I also have carpal tunnel in both hands because of all the water retention, so getting out of bed with a bad hip and painful hands is … acrobatic to say the least, lol!

My baby was also breech. At a late stage in pregnancy. They did a painful procedure to twist him around but it is just a matter of seeing whether he stays that way. He is displaying signs of stubborn naughtiness. But I shall never cast it up to him what a hard time he has given me. Hopefully he will be healthy and sound and he will be worth all the trouble. It is not his fault, poor thing. He has no idea what is going on, he is just relaxing in the warm comfort of his mother’s womb. I don’t care how much hell I have to go through as long as he is safe and sound.

So I am not complaining at all. I promise. I am just listing my woes, that helps. I am usually a very fit and active person, who likes to run up stairs and do some dancing on a grey rainy morning, but now it takes me six hours to sort out the laundry and tidying and washing dishes is too painful.

So my house is gradually getting messier and messier, and I am finding it harder to take care of the very basics like having a shower.

I won’t complain. I refuse to. I know how blessed I am, and I have failed pregnancies in the past, and that was painful too, so I am so so so so so grateful.

But I am also struggling very much with the pain and feeling very low. You cannot have it all, you really can’t!

So I was just chatting to my friends and my mum and the physiotherapist and I was thinking, you know, I have so much to be grateful for. So so so much. So I shall not complain. But sometimes in the dead of night I will cry, because I am scared and worried and anxious. But I will smile and get on with it, hobbling and dragging my feet, because hopefully this is not going to last, and I know it will all be worth it.

So yes, sometimes I check my work emails, and yes sometimes I want to do some work, just to take my mind off the mountain of chores that I cannot do, and to have something logical to focus on, to stop me spiralling into a net of self pity and pain and hysteria.

Don’t lose control, that is the main thing.

Anyway, how are you?

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “And how are you?

  1. Oh my. First, put on blinders and ignore the mess. No reason to stress that. Sorry your feeling so much pain and discomfort. Work emails….. yes
    You will eventually get to them. Had no idea water retention can affect a womans carpal tunnel. Thanks for teaching me that.

    Please take good care of yourself. Relax and if possible spoil yourself.
    Be well. Hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hahaha, yes I will have to put on blinders because the mess is going nowhere! Thank you for such a kind and supportive comment 🙂 It is so interesting, I had no idea about that either, until I started waking up with numb hands which then became very painful hands! You live and you learn, I guess. But thankfully these things tend to go away after a baby has vacated the premises, lol.

      Like

  2. Me. just fine. So sorry you are having these pregnancy issues but hopefully, it will over soon and you will have a new person to care for. Checking emails is a good thing as well as doing other activities to keep your mind occupied. Wishing you a quick and easy delivery. Looking forward to reading about your new baby.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have been wondering about your pregnancy, Lenora, and careful not to ask because of your losses in the past. So Yay! Despite the pain and awfulness you’re enduring, you’re going to be a mama!!! Don’t worry about the housework, you’ll have time to clean up in about 6 years! Ha ha. No one can truly prepare you for motherhood, even if you read 100 books about it, so go with the flow and let it unfold one day at a time. Trust yourself, your baby, and love him or her up! Wishing you the very best as the day gets closer. Hugs ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Doing well over here. Listing the woes sometimes helps, list away! I can feel your gratitude, the woes are just what they are. I’m getting excited for you. I wish it wasn’t so uncomfortable for you. I like the comment above about putting blinders on. I agree!!!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s