On Less Cheer

I decided to put a post up last minute today because I just realised that while I don’t really care that it is the last day of the year or decade, it might be a nice subtle nod to time to do one last post, and make it 43 posts in total in 2019.

In 2019 I went through some very tough things that most people go through, but obviously since I am experiencing them for the first time, they still meant something to me and still shaped my personality.

I didn’t very much enjoy this year, and that is sad, because I ought to have. I had a baby and he really is the love of my life, and by rights this ought to have been the best year of my life. But it wasn’t. I struggled a lot with my mental state, and felt depressed very often. I had to relearn so many things, and reach for strength in places deep within me that I didn’t know existed.

I experienced severe frustration, betrayal, selfishness, both on my part and on the part of others, and learnt so so much. I fell in love so hard, with the chubbiest cherub ever, but still, it was one of the hardest years of my life and I am glad this year is an odd number and am glad to leave it.


I hope 2019 was good for all of you, and I hope 2020 is even better.

14 thoughts on “On Less Cheer

  1. You are every new mom everywhere so don’t put yourself down. It’s the craziest job you’ll ever have, the most draining in every way and the most rewarding. I suspect you’re doing about a hundred times better than you think you are. Lots of love.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your beautiful words! It’s reassuring to be told that. I know millions of mums around the world are going through this now and have went through it before, and you’re so right. It’s the most intense thing ever! I see beautiful pictures on social media of mothers and their babies and captions saying things like they’ve had the best year and their baby made their lives 1 million times better and all the positivity and I feel bad that I don’t feel as positive, but have to remind myself that it’s all props and makeup and they are likely melting down in the background too haha.


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