As each day passes,
With starker clarity
That I don’t have to feel lonely
Or adhere to people’s expectations of me.
I don’t have to cook fancy meals when family come to visit
Even when I don’t want to
I don’t have to pretend to feel stressed over the things my husband stresses about, to show solidarity.
I don’t have to smile when somebody insults me, to keep the family peace.
I don’t have to drive to visit my in-laws, just because they think I should.
I can get up with my kids and go anywhere and do anything.
I don’t have to feel like a failure for not meeting the expectations other people have of me.
So today, in the pouring rain, I am going to blast some tunes in the car, pop my kids in their waterproofs, and go to a woodland garden. We are going to get very wet. We will look at stones and jump in all the puddles. I will get the biggest coffee with the largest dollop of whipped cream, bank account be damned. Thighs be damned too.
It’s not a failure to not adhere to a routine.