I Quit my Job

I quit my job.

Does this make me a quitter? I just couldn’t do it anymore. The travel was a nightmare. Three hours starting at 4am in the morning. And then staying like a ricocheting tennis ball here there and everywhere, forgetting half my things and living out of a rucksack for the majority of the week. Not to mention my husband and I are not spending any time together at all and I think this is negative.

So, I quit my job.

I had no time for my university study, and I really paid for that this week when I had to submit a mind boggling assignment. I mean, seriously, what IS the difference between semantics and phonology?! I got an extension and banged my head against the desk and ate my weight in sad pasta, and cried tears of shame and humiliation and excruciating pain.

So, yes, I quit my job.

I was earning next to nothing; lower than minimum wage. The money I did earn went straight on train travel. It was measly. I had no time for anybody or anything and my creative spark sizzled a little and then died. I was also horribly moody, because all my time was taken up teaching, tutoring, studying and planning. My family never see me.

So, how come I stayed there so long?

Well, quite simply, I loved it. I love it. I love the kids, I love the atmosphere, I love teaching. I even love feeling drained of energy but still dredging up enough to give somebody some valuable time. I really really really loved my job.

If I was still living back in that city, would I quit?

Hell no. Not for a very long time, at any rate.

But, I quit.

A part of me is worried that I can’t stick anything for long enough to really count. But another part argues that this was unsustainable, and I have to agree with the other part. But I also have misgivings; does this make me a quitter? Does this mean I am fickle? How many other jobs will I quit because I cannot handle the pressure?

But, was it really the pressure?

I quit because I am never home, because I miss my husband sorely and we haven’t been a proper unit since December 2015. I quit because now we have our own place, I need to be home with him instead of away for five days. I quit to put my marriage first. I quit to put my family first.

And I also quit because, in reality, this is not what I see myself doing for the rest of my life.

Yes. It is sad. I quit my job. And I am sad.

But also relieved.

Tremendously relieved. A heavy weight has been lifted from my shoulders. So that is how I know a good decision was made, albeit a tough one.

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Leonid Afromov