Thread-like Growth on Animate Being

Hello Internet.

I am Lenora and I am interested in politics, exercise, food, literature, nature and hair.

Yes, hair. However not in the usual context you would imagine one would be interested in hair. I, for example, am not a hair stylist, nor do I follow the latest fashion trends when it comes to hair.

I just love hair, dears. Lately my hair has become extremely wispy on top. Normally when I wash it, and allow it to air dry, it springs into lots of wide ringlets that gleam and bounce, as healthy as you could imagine. My hair is my vanity, you see, and lately my curls are not curls, but pouffy wisps of nothingness.

I spent an hour sitting in this university library watching young ladies pass me by and my eyes are drawn to their heads. Brown hair, black hair, blond hair. Some reds meandering about, one very distinct pink, some greens and of all textures and in all styles. Some have straight hair, falling in gleaming, silky waves over their faces, covering every inch of their scalps. Some have curly hair, like me, but unlike me they can have middle partings, they can pull it back and style it most beautifully. Some have short hair, spiked up, some have pretty little pixie cuts, some sport pony tails, some leave their hair out, falling over their shoulders, framing their faces and adding to their beauty.

SO. MUCH. HAIR!

I am so scared the loss of my hair will mean the loss of my beauty. Beauty is a very important thing, folks. I do care that people will notice this girl with no hair. “Poor thing”, they might say, “she must have had cancer. I am so glad I am not her.”

I know because I think that when I see girls with no hair. Well, I used to think that. Now I think, “we suffer in silence, together, sister”.

I have a secret scalp-hiding little trick, and it’s name is Caboki. It’s very pricey, and comes in a plastic tubular bottle with a silver top. The writing on it wears away so easily, which is a small blessing, really, because I don’t want anybody to know what it is when they look in my bathroom cabinet. The bottle is filled with millions of tiny little dark brown microfibres, the exact colour of my hair. When my hair is dry, and my scalp shines through right at the top of my head, I shake some of the magic powder over it and voila, I look like I have a wondrous full head of hair!

Such a calming illusion, dears. Sometimes I almost think I actually HAVE enough hair to hide my scalp. But then I wash my hair and any such thought vanishes, along with my self-esteem, gaiety and hope.

My hope is still here, folks. She refuses to leave me, despite thousands of testimonials from women with the same story as mine. I refuse to believe there is no cure. Recently I have begun a clean diet to help my digestive system. My energy levels are up (as they should be, I am only twenty one), my exercise is getting easier and easier (might have to up my game), my digestive system is less irritable, more smooth (goodbye bloating!), I am taking probiotics and zinc and magnesium supplements.

I haven’t noticed any changes in my hair as of yet, though. We’ll see. It’s only been three weeks. It takes far longer than that, and a good amount of patience, perseverance and, of course, hope.

To all the beautiful ladies suffering with hair-loss out there.. if you are reading this, know that you are worth more than your hair. Know that you can hope, that there is something out there for you, and that you will be loved with or without your hair. Your suffering will only make you more beautiful.

Also, much love, hope and support.

Lenora

Can I Have a Break?

I have hair loss. My hair and my nails are brittle. My hair falls out in clumps in the shower. It has been doing this for the past two years. It just keeps escalating. I am naturally very anxious about this, worry creeps up on me often, and mostly when I don’t expect it. I could be happy one moment and then catch sight of my reflection in the mirror and suddenly I am falling down a long and heavy shaft of misery and despair and sometimes anguish.

Give me a break! I want to shout. Help me! Somebody! I am tired of fighting this battle alone.

But fight it I must, since those who claim they know what they are doing quite simply do not. Yes, the doctors don’t know. They give me blood test after blood test and just because the numbers on the page settle in nicely with their set spectrum of ‘normal’, they are afraid they really cannot help me, that it must be a cosmetic problem, and aren’t I being a little bit of a hypochondriac about all this? Do I stress a lot? Hmm, that MUST be it. That MUST be why my hair has been falling out for the past seven years, and only escalated in the past two. It must be why it is so easily broken.

So I am embarking on a new journey of healing, my chums. My extensive research has told me that brittle hair and nails can be attributed to weak digestion.

Do I suffer digestive problems? Yes I do. I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome, I have lots of gas sometimes and I bloat very easily. I get abdominal pains and feel very uncomfortable after eating. I sometimes have blood in my stools, too.

When I told my doctors this they said it was nothing to worry about and I should relax.

Well. I am relaxed and very calm.

I am going to try a two week elimination test, in which I remove all dairy products, gluten, yeast, soy, processed foods, corn and eggs from my diet and record all the changes in my bowel habits and health.

At the end of the two weeks I shall (if I am still alive, that is) document any changes that I have experienced, and slowly add the eliminated foods back into my diet, one at a time, and see what changes occur then.

I will also begin taking probiotic supplements.

I read once that healing begins from the inside. It’s no use putting tonic on my hair and oiling it regularly with coconut and argan if the root of the problem is allowed to run rampant.

We shall see what this brings.