Gives me a strange ache
In my chest
Some would say it is my heart.
But does a heart have feelings? Or is it just the brain projecting?
And why do the most emotive of sensations make themselves felt in the chest?
I don’t know why this photo has such an impact on me.
Something about summer, and roses.
It reminds me of my grandmother. She had a kaleidoscope of roses in her garden, plants all over her home. Silence ringing through rooms, interrupted with the soft tick-tick-tick of a clock, gentle chirping outside, the distant buzz of a lawnmower. Sunlight flooding through tall windows.
Knitting needles, clicking.
One leg crossed, over the other. Face knotted in concentration, but never frowning.
All that hurt in her heart, but always a smile.
All that pain in her body, but always patience.
Now I am going through a very similar physical pain, and I don’t know how she managed to do it. To give so much, so effortlessly, with all that burden on her heart.
So when I came across this photo today, my heart thumped painfully in my chest, probably because my brain told it to.
Because it reminds me of my childhood in her garden, her love and patience and life,
Enveloping me in warm comfort.
She was a mother to her own children, and a mother to their children too. A mother in the deepest, most emotional sense of the word.
And what is lost can never be returned.