“Jack of all trades, master of none”
Or in my case, ‘Jane of all trades, mistress of none”
Because I am not.
Interesting, that is. I think it comes from having a despicably short attention span, brought on, no doubt, by an addiction to social media.
I am good at many things, but have not mastered one thing in particular. Although at this moment in time, writing seems to be the only consistent thing in my life. I do love to write. I also love to read.
I just don’t love to learn new and interesting things in a dogged manner, thus rendering me acquainted with a great many topics, just not knowledgeable about any of them.
“Oh, have you heard about so-and-so?”
“Yes. I read about him.”
“Oh really? Tell me more!”
“Um, I’ve only heard about him, to be honest.”
Because I didn’t bother to read anything more about the topic even though it interested me and would have probably made a great conversation. Same thing with a great many other topics and ideas. I don’t follow through and see it to the end. Because I am lazy and like to hipetty hop from one topic to another in an erratic manner.
For example, halfway through writing this post, even though I was on a roll, I opened a new tab to check YouTube. I really didn’t need to, but I just did, and I forgot what else I wanted to say. I keep doing this, and all my work is lacking in concentration and focus as a result. This is also the same for my conversations and human interactions. I am terrible at it, and think I am terribly un-interesting.
Anyway – the feeling of being boring makes me feel terribly insecure. Which is a vicious cycle because when you feel insecure you are not your usual happy, chirpy self and you become an awkward wallflower, fading away into the background and feeling upset that nobody wants to talk to you.
Alternatively, you try too hard – and that flops too.
Feeling insecure stops a person from achieving their full potential.
I know who I am, but sometimes I can be maliciously insecure. That is, insecurity has a malevolent hold on me. It catches in my throat and turns my attention away from life and liveliness and makes me cloudy and moody and complainy.
So I have learnt that I need to ignore my insecurity and focus really hard on finding that place inside me where I am happy and carefree. When I have found that place, my true self flows out and it quite often surprises me.
You see, you have to be less self conscious – and also less self aware. Don’t fret, my dear. Smile even though you hate your teeth, throw your head back and laugh genuinely – show that mouth to the world. Don’t edit your laughter, it sounds forced. Relax. Breathe. Enjoy the sun and the rain and look for the silver linings in everything.
If something displeases you, ignore it, and find the pleasing factor inside it. Everything has a pleasing factor.
Alternatively, play the glad game. That is a good game to play. Let us hail Pollyanna, and make life a happier place. There.
Some days, I don’t feel that great. Oh, I know we all feel like that sometimes. The bed seems more comfy than usual. Limbs are heavy, eyes are always on the brink of tears. So, rather than wallow, I decided to get up and go for a walk. It’s the evening. The stars are shining, after a cloudy day. The tip of my nose no longer feels anything. But oh, what a beautiful night.
How many pebbles go in my happy jar today?
- The morning sunrise created an ethereal purple light in the sky. Pink clouds, gentle wind, bare trees with yellow leaves dangling like golden earrings in the morning sun.
- The day was beautiful. The sun vanished quickly, but the clouds rolled majestically and the wind blew in my face, cold and refreshing. The sound of the trees swaying in the breeze was something magical.
- I got the most darling text message from my husband today. The fire is still crackling away merrily.
- I was pleased with the amount of work I put in today. I hope my module tutor will take heed and bump up my grades.
- I bought Oroonoko by Aphra Behn from Amazon and it arrived today. It was a splurge, because it was a brand new book. I usually spend hours searching for a well used old copy in the charity shop. I am not thinking about the money because I am excited to read this so-called classic.
- Clean bedding.
- Fluffy socks and cinnamon rolls!
- Home made steak for dinner. Now that never usually happens. We are in for a treeeaaat *sings last word*.
What made you happy today?
Good morning, and welcome to a better today.
A today where the sun may not be bright, but our faces are.
A today where joy might be scarce, but we can still scrape some up.
A today that is better than yesterday and worse than tomorrow.
I hope each and every one of you finds your little pebble of happiness in this new day, be it a smile from a stranger or a kind word from your spouse, or even a freshly baked cookie!
Of course, it doesn’t all have to be doom and gloom, you might be feeling like the chirpiest bunny on earth today. And if you are, savour it and cherish it.
Here are some things that made me happy today:
My brothers were happy to see me when I walked in the front door this morning.
I had some chips. I haven’t had chips properly in so long! They were warm and crispy and greasy and salt and vinegary and how I savoured them.
The baby told me a great many stories today, and she came and cuddled me unexpectedly and asked me if I was “otay?”. That was sweet and made my heart melt completely.
I drove my car again today after a week away from the little beast. How I loved it, the confidence of the pedals under my feet, the purr she makes when struggling up a hill, her sleek, gorgeous, slightly rusted and hunched way of hugging the curb when parked up. She is like a massive beetle with giant eyelashes. Not a pretty picture, I’ll give you that, but to me she is the most beautiful thing I own.
There is something so satisfying about finally being able to buy your very own, very first car!
I think the novelty will linger in my cherished memories forever.
What made you happy today?