I have this scream that I do in my head sometimes when the going gets too tough.
It started when I was young. I stopped a moment and looked out of the large, metal framed windows in the flat I lived in; the view was dusty, solid buildings, ugly and radiating curly heatwaves. I stopped amid all my exam stress and my bedroom junk and my disorganisation, and I screamed.
It was an internal scream, a scream in my head. It was loud, raging, desperate. But it also had an order to it; it followed a tune.
It isn’t a bad tune, as tunes go. It is my tune of solace. A vent of sorts. A screaming tune with a lilt to it. Sometimes it makes me laugh. Sometimes it makes the pain of nostalgia cloud the stress and make my mountainous pile of Things To Do a little less steep. Sometimes it just clears my head and allows me to get back on track and get on with what I have to do. Sometimes it highlights the frantic, anxious emotions that accompany the stress, and I have to call my mum and have a cry.
It started when I was about ten years old, living in the hot desert of Arabia, where my father had whisked us off when he decided to follow his career.
It still resonates with me now. On this cold island, surrounded by the raging seas of winter and politics.
The fantastic thing about this Scream folks, is that I can do it anywhere, at any time, and nobody will know.
So, right now,
There. Deep breath. Carry on. God bless.
Peace and quiet.