On Less Cheer

I decided to put a post up last minute today because I just realised that while I don’t really care that it is the last day of the year or decade, it might be a nice subtle nod to time to do one last post, and make it 43 posts in total in 2019.

In 2019 I went through some very tough things that most people go through, but obviously since I am experiencing them for the first time, they still meant something to me and still shaped my personality.

I didn’t very much enjoy this year, and that is sad, because I ought to have. I had a baby and he really is the love of my life, and by rights this ought to have been the best year of my life. But it wasn’t. I struggled a lot with my mental state, and felt depressed very often. I had to relearn so many things, and reach for strength in places deep within me that I didn’t know existed.

I experienced severe frustration, betrayal, selfishness, both on my part and on the part of others, and learnt so so much. I fell in love so hard, with the chubbiest cherub ever, but still, it was one of the hardest years of my life and I am glad this year is an odd number and am glad to leave it.

There.

I hope 2019 was good for all of you, and I hope 2020 is even better.

Reflection People

So once I had a dream that there were two of us. I mean two of me and two of you.

Hey that’s interesting.

Yeah. It was weird. Like we had parallel lives in the same houses and we just accepted that there were two of us. Like you would say, ‘oh the other me went to the shops today. I’m so glad she did because I really needed knickers.’

The two me’s share knickers? That’s weird.

Well not really when you think about it because it is you, just another you. You’re the same, though. Same person.

How can we be the same person if we are two different people?

Think of it this way, imagine your reflection stepped out of your mirror.

That would be awful.

Hear me out okay? She stepped out of your mirror and then she started just being you but in a non threatening way. She just did the things you didn’t like doing, like, I dunno, buying knickers..

I love buying knickers. They are so pretty. I want to buy my own knickers.

OK, ok, how about taking the bins out or cleaning the litter tray?

Yes, that stuff.

And going to work for you when you really don’t want to and doing your taxes and all that. And she doesn’t complain because she is YOU, just the reflection version. So you are still doing all of that only now you have double the man power and double the brain power and double the hair and nails and feet and fingers. So, really, you would be at an advantage. Imagine cooking dinner, you could just relax and read a book and you could also chop onions and fry vegetables.

What about if the reflection turned against me?

Hmmm, yes. That could be a possibility. You have a real whole functioning brain that is pretty much a spare brain so why WOULDN’T you want to become your own separate person?

Exactly.

Well, I must think about that and get back to you.

Can’t wait to hear about it.

Ok. See you tomorrow.

Same place?

Same place.