On the United Kingdom of Great Tiers

Folks the UK has gone mad. Well it feels like it has at any rate. Apparently food shortages now constitute of lack of availability of essential foods like lettuce and citrus fruits. Whatever will we do!?

I feel like the news outlets are contributing more to this mass hysteria and it makes me laugh, whilst simultaneously shaking my head in irritation. It’s like they go around finding random people in an otherwise well-stocked supermarket and asking them if they haven’t been able to find anything, and the one random guy goes ‘Er, yeah, the lettuce shelf is EMPTY. EMPTY, can you see? My wife is waiting for lettuce at home and THERE IS NONE LEFT.’

And then they pan over the shelves groaning under the weight of a million other foods, and finally rest the camera on a couple of empty plastic bins that once contained lettuce but now do not.

WhaTEVER will we DO!?!?

Now everybody wants to rush to Tesco to buy toilet roll and rice and eggs, for some reason, because doing their massive Christmas shop was not enough, somehow. And nobody is going to risk not having toilet paper because last time they ended up using lettuce instead and now there isn’t even that to fall back on.

Anyway it feels to me like our prime minister is a prime buffoon, who cares mostly about being popular hence the constant teetering on the edge of various rules and turning back on himself. He doesn’t know whether he is coming or going, to be honest, and reassures the public that he does in fact use a hairbrush when we know this is a lie, as he has been caught on camera mussing up his ridiculously blond hair… I think he likes looking like a deranged old owl.

London is now in Tier 4 which means total lockdown but that has not stopped people from the South of the UK travelling up to Tier 2 areas such as York for a quick pint, and getting arrested for doing so. Is that just an entitled attitude that southerners have? Because when us lot up North (I say ‘us lot’ but I am really a Southie by birth and heritage oh dear even though I do live up North) were in higher tiers of lockdown none of us took a jolly down South for a pint, did we? Well I didn’t hear of any of us getting arrested for doing so, at any rate.

Anyway I don’t care about Christmas being cancelled. I am heavily pregnant and have a lot of work to do in the 5 weeks before I give birth. I am so heavy, the heaviest I have ever been in my entire life. I am swollen and in pain and just generally feeling bLARGH. So I focus on other things to distract me from my discomfort and that tends to be the news, work and of course a busy toddler.

I just want to have my body back to be honest, and want coronavirus to piss off. I want to be able to lie on my back without feeling like I am suffocating and just… oh dearie me. It’s not a good time for much, folks, but it’s as good a time as we will get so we better make the most of it.

What are your Christmas plans?

8 thoughts on “On the United Kingdom of Great Tiers

  1. One of the papers–the Guardian? the Observer? does it matter?–did a follow up on a lot of the year’s stories and one of them was the toilet roll shortage. They managed to find a few people who’d stocked up and asked them about it. One was so paranoid about it that he snuck it into the house–I’m not sure how, but I picture him disguising it as a giant teddy bear–so his neighbors wouldn’t know. In case they decided to steal it, maybe. Another still hadn’t gone through it all. The interviews weren’t inspired, but the idea of following up on the story was, I thought.

    May your delivery be easy, may your child be a delight, and may you and your family always have toilet paper available.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for sharing that, that was hilarious. I can’t get the image out of my head now, and will be watching my neighbours closely to see who else is carrying in a giant teddybear of toilet roll, lol! And thank you very much for your kind well wishes 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I had the best Christmas ever. My daughter did dinner and I went around and spent it with her, her partner and the children. Under six adults in the room. It was marvellous to see the grandchildren…after such a long gap because of the covid19 situation, I think that is what made it special. I cannot wait for them to get this respiratory illness under control.

    Liked by 1 person

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