I snapped this photograph three years ago. We were in Algeria. I was 10 weeks pregnant with my first born son. We were on a boat and it was a truly lovely day.
I am always looking for odd things within the normal. It is never good enough.
I am waiting for a plane to drop out of the sky. Is that too morbid? Hair made of cloud. Running so fast my feet lift off the ground, and I am leaping through the air. Not flying, no. Powerful through the kinetic force of my leaps and bounds. Why is a sunny day just a sunny day? It can’t be. There must be more to it than that.
What are brains whispering behind the closed doors of faces?
How many universes really exist, through the perspectives of billions of people.
Can the heavens and the earth sense our tread? And if so, are we hurting them?
A piece of heart. I pick up a ‘piece of heart’ with my toes when I am too lazy to bend down. It was a paper, but all the girls made fun of me. They said, ‘Eurgh you have real human hearts lying around your house!’ Cackling in that cruel way six year old girls have. Tears sprang to my eyes. I was only trying to be part of the conversation. I glanced at the boy who was my friend. He looked away.
A pair of knobbly, bright-red feet under a door.
A cluster of girls.
One brown face looking up at me.
‘What do you want?’
Hurt, walking away from the group I always associate with, because one newcomer decided she didn’t like this foreigner.
Or maybe it’s because I was weird.
But none of the other girls stuck up for me. None.
I feel like an outcast most of the time; but then I slurp some coffee and I am vibrant, energetic; ripples of laughter rippling outwards from my circumference.
Awkward silences. Lots of them. Lack of eye contact. Insecurity. Power. Speeding along country lanes; the sky is a different colour every single day.
If it wasn’t for the clouds, I think our sunsets would be monotonous.
But it is never any good. Not good enough.
I want an inspiration to seize my fingers, but I am learning that you have to create your own inspiration.
So this is mine, today. A mixture of memories and daily thoughts.
What inspires you? Do tell me. What makes your brain tick, your fingers itch?
Have you ever sailed into a horizon of clouds?
A giant mass of faded blue puff, rising in the distance like a manifestation of a nightmare storm. It’s England, though, it isn’t real. It won’t turn into a tornado; it is too benign for that. It is still, like a painting, a wall of such exquisite detail, as though some artist in the sky painted every stroke with tender love and care.
Every shadow, articulated.
The road winds in and out, up and down ahead, and the sky around the faded blue cloud is an ombre of colour, from the palest blue, to a bright and sundry pinky yellow.
The trees begin to silhouette themselves, but it isn’t quite twilight, yet.
And the clouds billow in the sky as though fuelled by some ferocious fire, only not so bitter, not so black, not so violent.
Still, like a photograph.
A still moment in time, as the sky transcends daylight and becomes that sultry, mysterious mixture of day and night. Not quite here, not quite that.
I love those clouds. Those clouds that don’t quite know what to make of themselves, that take on the hues of the ever-changing sky, shrugging on the colours and exploding in every emotion. So ominous, yet so safe. So surreal, yet so familiar. So strange, yet so reminiscent of thousands of autumnal evenings, throughout the centuries.
And always, always, a fresh wonder to the eyes.
I think sunshine has a habit of making everything look better, and feel better, and sound better, and taste better. Here in Britain we live under a perpetual cloud. The winter sky is characteristically overcast, gloomy light turning everything into monotone. When the sun finally does manage to beam her face down at us, once the relentless clouds have given her the stage for a moment or two, the world is suddenly flushed with colours I never knew existed!
Wow, grass is THAT GREEN?!
That tarmac is looking particularly handsome today!
My goodness, I never noticed how very pink those roses are.
Oh, glory days, this doorstep is the most gorgeous russet I have ever set my eyes on. Peonies nodding in sunlit breeze. Gleaming black railings against the stark white of a Kensington building.
Everything has a humming vibrancy when the sun comes out.
n.b The photo taken above was actually in Spain.
And she let herself be known.